Thursday, May 29, 2014


It was late and the room was dark with the exception of the midnight moon which somehow found its way through a small break in the curtains.  The white glow cast shadows across the walls of the hotel room, creating the perfect silhouette of a man and woman who stood facing one another, barely a few inches apart.  She was in her head, mind racing as she silently cursed the moon.  In that moment, she wished with all of her being that it would go away and that the darkness would engulf the two of them so she could no longer see the flecks of gold in his eyes or the definition of his perfect jawline.  The girl fought with great difficulty, the urge to let her eyes meet his.  Meanwhile he was staring at her, desperately searching her face for answers or at least an indication of what his next move should be.

"What do you want from me?" she whispered after some time, her voice shaking and body trembling.  As if he was waiting for it, he reached up to touch her face, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear, dropping his gaze to meet hers.  "I want you" he said simply, half-smiling and pulling her closer to him.  

"How the hell do I get myself into these situations?" she thought to herself angrily as he slid his hand into hers, finding that all too familiar place where it had rested so many times, so long ago.  

He was the only man in her 26 years and many failed relationships, that she ever actually saw herself ending up with.  Though it was never the most serious of partnerships nor the easiest for that matter, there was just something about him, some disarming quality that made her think about their future together instead of pulling away, which had up to that point, been her norm.  It was so uncharacteristic of her to fall for someone like him.  She had spent a lot of time fighting off the "good guys" in her past relationships, chalking them up to being too "simple" or accusing them of not wanting the same things that she wanted for her life.  Yet somehow with all of the odds stacked against them, she had found herself enamored with this man.  A man who could never give her the worldly experiences she craved, or the nomadic lifestyle she always imagined she would have.  He was stationary and always would be, yet for the first time in her life she accepted this and despite a deep inner struggle, was willing to give up her adventures and her dreams for him and the dreams that they could potentially create together.  

But that was then.  

The reality now was that she somehow, someway had ended up in a dimly lit hotel room alone with this man (who notably had a girlfriend), in a strange city, with a whole lot of feelings between them.  Two years had passed since their last fight- the fight that had ended it all.  It happened more suddenly than she had expected and looking back on it, she always wondered if she should have fought harder, if she should have for the first time ever, showed all of her cards.  He gave her an out that day- claiming that he could never give her all the things she wanted and would never ask her to give those things up for him, and though every bone in her body told her not to, she took it.  Selfishly, she took the out and then promptly spent the next two years trying to make sense of that decision.  He had moved on since then, and for all intents and purposes she had too. Yet here they were, the two of them alone in this room, so much history between them, fighting against every physical and emotional urge in their bodies.  

They lasted only a few minutes like this, in each others embrace, fighting hard to resist the pull that they felt for each other.  Until finally, he pulled her in as close as he possibly could.  And as their lips met, her head began to spin.  Memories of late nights and early mornings, stolen kisses and too many laughs clouded her mind as she found herself melting in to his all too familiar touch.  The passion between them was an unstoppable force and unlike anything she had ever felt.  Her heart was pounding and while they kissed, her thoughts went deeper as questions about the future began popping into her mind.  She wondered how it would feel to be kissed like this every single day, or if anyone would ever really know her like he did and then she questioned whether or not she could ever love someone this much.  In that moment, in that hotel room, it was nearly impossible for her to imagine feeling this way with anyone else on the entire planet.  
Yet as she felt her heart go to places it had never been before, her head rang loud between her ears.  "We can't" she said as she pulled away abruptly.  She stepped backwards, away from him and into the darkness, shielding her face from his view.  The hurt and confusion she saw in his eyes was almost too much to bear, but she quickly realized that it truly couldn't compare to the hurt in her heart when she mustered up all the courage in the world and repeated "We just can't".  Heading for the hotel room door, she was careful to keep the tears that steadily streamed down her face out of sight, as the glow of the moon projected a single shadow on the hotel room wall.